Your vehicle has been towed away by the City, for violation of traffic parking laws, that were clearly posted both in front, & to the sides of where your vehicle was parked. Your vehicle can be pick-up within the next 30-working-days, at the City Pound, after payment is made for fines, towing fees, & storage of your vehicle.
Your cooperation & understanding is appreciated in this matter, & please accept our apologies in advance, should our offices be closed at the time of your vehicle pick-up, due to the Government shut-down.
Should your vehicle remain in our possession after 30-days, from the date of this letter, it will be sold as necessary to recoup Government losses."
Sincerely,
Sheriff D.J.Trump.
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"Only an alert & knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial & military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods & goals, so that security & liberty may prosper together". Dwight D.Eisenhower.
At least the Onion has the class to admit they are a satire publication. So much of what is posted here has no such class, but is equally satire.
I checked some of the onion news desk, they were first aired 62 and 63 BBC. I check a funny satire site time to time, peoples cube. Good one every once in a while.